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© 2019 by Ceryn Rowntree. Proudly created with Wix.com

Tears and rainbows: The beauty after a broken heart

February 24, 2017

 

A good few years ago an ex bought me a journal with this photo on; I know, beautiful!And inside was the following quote:

 

“The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.”

 

At the time I thought it was gorgeous, and poignant given that I cried a LOT back then… but it’s only in the years since that I’ve really come to understand that quote and love it even more.

 

The hard times we go through are shit. There’s no doubt about that and I’m not going to try to pretend otherwise. But they also make us stronger.

 

It’s the shittiest times that help us recognise how awesome we actually are, what we will and won’t settle for in life and how to do things differently in future.

 

And without those times, you would never fully appreciate the good times that follow them…

 

Think about it; it’s only after you[‘ve had a bad job you dread going to every day that you come to really appreciate the blessing of doing work that you love. And it’s always after a bad relationship with someone who didn’t treat you the way you deserved that you come to best recognise and be grateful for the good ones.

 

But of course that’s the case; why else would rainbows appear after storms if not to look even more glorious as they explode out of the grey sky? (And yes, I know, science. But I’m talking deeper than that right now!)

 

Ironically for me, the guy who bought me this journal was the first one ever to break my heart. It hurt, it was awful and at one point I remember telling someone I didn’t think I could hurt more if someone picked me up and threw me out of an upstairs window.

 

It made me stronger though… the pain may have been awful, but guess what? I didn’t die.

 

The very face I came out of that pain made me stronger, and added to that I went into the next relationship knowing that it was OK to be fully me without constantly trying to impress or toe some sort of line of what the other person wanted. Because after all if it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t die.

 

And that whole experience, the experience of knowing how it felt not to be in that situation – of spending so much time feeling like I was teetering on the brink of losing someone I cared so much about and of  working so damned hard to become someone I felt this other person would actually want to commit to?

 

Well, it made me realise how I deserve to be treated, and made the moments of being happy and content in my own truth – whether that was because I was treating myself well or whether someone else was treating me the way I wanted – feel even more bloody amazing than they otherwise would have.

 

So it is with all of my past relationships. And if I’m honest, the feelings that brings make up for a lot of the tears.

 

And so I’m grateful. I’m so so grateful to that guy; not only for the beautiful journal (which, by the way, I filled from cover to cover with amazing memories and experiences from a solo trip around the world), but for unearthing the tears that led me to appreciate some bloody beautiful rainbows.

 

And I’m grateful to – and proud of – myself, for weathering that rain and making it through the storms to get to the rainbows at the other side.

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