Because even your own decisions can hurt

Making big, tough decisions is part of being a grown up, something we absolutely have to do at times.

Does that mean we have to like it? Gods no.

A while back now I had to make the most difficult decision of my life so far, and after lots of soul searching made the decision that I know was right for that particular situation.

Initially I tried to just crack on with things; I’d made the decision after all so what else is there to do but plaster on a smile and get on with life? And yet a little way down the line, to put it simply, I fell apart.

In the midst of my tears and pain, Shelley said something very wise to me (as she often does): “Why shouldn’t you fall apart?”

There seems to be this preconception out there that once you’ve made a decision, that means you must be happy with it. But why?

Just because it’s the right decision, that doesn’t mean it’s the easy one, that it won’t hurt

And it’s so true; throughout our lives we’re forced into situations that require us to make choices. And unfortunately part of being human, and particularly being an adult, means that not all of those choices will be the ones we want to make.

Sometimes they’re based on what we know we have to do, because the other options are so incredibly impossible; sometimes it’s about doing what’s best not for yourself but for the other people equally involved in a situation; or sometimes it comes down to looking at the bigger picture, and recognising that, no matter how much you may want to decide a certain way, right here and right now, it just isn’t the right thing.

How many times have you made a decision that’s hurt you and then powered through life afterwards because you somehow don’t feel you have the right to be upset?

Equally, how many times have you seen someone else cry and wondered how they can be so upset when after all, it was their own decision that brought them to this place?

It’s time that stopped. It’s time we started accepting that even our own decisions can hurt us, and not only forgave ourselves for not being immediately OK with every decision we make, but allowed ourselves to process those choices, and the changes or losses they represent, exactly as we need to.

Originally published at

#wisdom #healing #pain #empowerment #happiness