Last week I visited Kielder, mine and Kali’s favourite place in the world for our annual few days in a log cabin.
As always I headed up there with plenty of plans for all of the writing, walking, work and other lovely things I’d do. And yes, there was plenty of loveliness, but “doing”? Not so much.
You see, for the first time in… well I couldn’t actually tell you how long, I rested.
I am well aware that lots of people reading sentence will think “right, so what? You were on holiday, why wouldn’t you rest?”
And to those people, I hold up my hands and give you stacks of respect. Because Gods, I wish I were that sensible! For me – and many others out there – though, it isn’t always quite so simple.
To put it simply, my name is Ceryn and I am a busy-ness addict.
I’d like to tell you it comes down to over a decade of working long hours in jobs that were often high stress, particularly over the last few years when my average working week at my day job has been well over 45 hours (not to mention time spent on writing this blog or my book, counselling and working on other Aurora-related things outside of that), but in honesty it started long before that.
At University I pushed myself to get the best possible grades while working two part-time jobs, I worked as many hours as I could during college and sixth form, and even at school I did my best to be all things to all people without missing a moment along the way.
Initially it was all about people pleasing, and striving to do the best I could do. I guess I always felt like I had something to prove and getting good grades was a way for me to do that. But over the years it became more; a habit… an addiction even, and consequently something I struggled to break. When I wasn’t working my backside off I felt worthless, and like so many additions that made it bad for me.
Of course I know I’m not alone; so many of us are so used to going at 100 miles per hour that when it comes time to stop we can’t, and even when the opportunity arises to take a real break we find ourselves too scared. After all what happens when we’re no longer busy?
It’s something I’ve been trying to teach myself for a long time. But this last week it feels like, for the first time in my adult life, I’ve made a breakthrough when it comes to stopping. And let me tell you what I found….
Rest is absolutely blooming brilliant.
Here’s what I did in Kielder; I ate three square meals a day (with no binge eating because I was bored, which is what I expected to happen), walked Kali, read books, watched films, knitted, took a very long bubble bath and meditated.
I didn’t do any yoga or write, which was a little disappointing, as they were both things I’d wanted to do for me, but that’s because I listened to my body, mind and Spirit, and they told me just to simply rest.
I’ve come to realise that that’s as big a part of loving and caring for myself as feeding, bathing or anything else. And as a result of that experience how do I feel? Fantastic.
For the first time in a long while I feel truly rested, nurtured, nourished and ready to take on the world.
OK if truth be told I’m still a little tired, but then I guess that’s what happens when you finally stop and rest after two decades of running around like a mad woman… maybe I need another holiday ;-)
Post originally published at www.auroracentre.co.uk.